Thank you to the 60+ alumni who shared their opinions in our recent survey. Your responses were quite helpful, in contrast to those we typically receive at a Kovner Banquet which tend to be shouted, laced with profanity, and somewhat less constructive.

Congratulations to Barry Gould ’79, the winner of our drawing for a Pi Lam sweatshirt!

Survey Highlights

The alumni association is successfully meeting your needs!

76% of brothers surveyed said the alumni association is meeting or exceeding your expectations.

• 18% Exceeding Expectations
• 58% Meeting Expectations
• To the 13% of brothers who replied “below expectations” — please note that sexual favors are out of the question.

You want to help with the undergrads.

• 42% of you were interested in volunteering in some capacity. The most popular response was “supporting the undergraduate chapter.”

To clarify, the undergraduates have not requested support in the following areas: drinking beer, sleeping in, or disappointing their parents.

You could be convinced to get involved.

Geography is a barrier to getting involved (not the fact that 3 out of 5 Pi Lams can’t find the U.S. on a world map, but that many of you live too far away). Others said they could be goaded into participation with parties, pizza, beer, sporting events and hookers. Really, no surprises there.

There is also a desire to increase networking opportunities, which we would like to do. There is certainly no shortage of lawyers which seem to be in high demand for Pi Lam brothers, and there are many other professionals in the brotherhood who actually do some good for society.

Many of you give a buck.

• 42% of you said you contribute financially to the alumni association. In fact, this year we raised $4,000 through our annual dues campaign. Thank you!
• 55% of respondents do not contribute. Presumably they were hit hard by the economy, gambling excesses, ponzi schemes, or a just have a propensity for thriftiness.
• 2% said they give to the Pi Lambda Phi Educational Foundation, mostly for the tax deduction.
• And 3% said they would accept money from the alumni association in return for their loyalty.
• Make a donation.

Here are a few things you said might convince you to contribute financially…

“Having a whole bunch more money.”

“Hookers, college hookers.” (Oddly, this seemed to be a recurring theme.)

“Employment.”

“Hitting me up on the right day of the week.”

“Good question… dancing girls.”

“A kick in the ass. I need to donate.”

“Now that my divorce is over I may be able to do better in this regard.”

“Pay the higher price for the events that I attend.”

You dig the events we host, and might add others to the mix.

The events that we hold regularly scored highest among the most likely you would attend (Kovner banquet, sporting events, tailgates, happy hours, and golf outings).

Class reunions and alumni/undergraduate events were also very highly rated. We plan to add more of these types of events to the social calendar. For example, the 1961 class reunion at this year’s Kovner Banquet, and a Charity Poker tournament held in April at the chapter house.

Family friendly events and community service were the least popular event suggestions. So, it seems clear that you are wise enough not to expose your family to the unsavory behavior of your Pi Lam brethren, nor do you have a strong desire to give back to the community or provide public service of any kind.

Communications are mostly interesting, informative, sometimes funny, and hardly tasteless at all.

• 70% find the communications “Informative and interesting”
• 28% percent find them “funny, like a clown”
• Less than 9% find our communications to be disturbingly tasteless.

You came up with some creative suggestions on how you’d like to receive info in the future.

“How about having undergrads come to my house and give me the news personally, as they wash my dishes.”

“You could rent planes with banners and fly them around the Northeast. Times Square billboard. Stuff like that.”

“Send very small messengers dressed in elaborate garb.”

“Perhaps, hold semi-annual… er, weekly meetings at Deliah’s Den to share Pi Lam info.”

“Pasted to a cute female undergrad.”

Summary: What we learned.

You’re mostly satisfied by the alumni association, but probably not at home, as the many of the suggestions you submitted were quite dirty.

Some of you still may not know that we have an active undergraduate chapter. They were reestablished in 2009. There are 32 brothers and they have a house at 1520 N 17th St, Philadelphia PA. They are doing well and on their way to attaining their charter.

We’re doing pretty good with events, but you might like some variety in there. We will try to add more alumni/undergraduate and class-specific events. As for the remote guys, not sure there is a lot we can do unless individual alums would like to sponsor a regional event.

Communications are lighthearted, yet informative. Though some of you find them juvenile. (You are poopy heads.) You might like a more “social” experience for the website. Some time this year, we will be upgrading the website to a more interactive format that will encourage commentary and open communications among the brothers.

You want to find ways to get involved. Some of you expressed your appreciation of the whaleshit-like dedication of the alumni association volunteers. Others would like to be whaleshits again too. There are a number of ways you can get involved.

• Come to an Executive Board meeting. We have them every month.
• Attend an event.
• Volunteer to help plan/arrange an event.
• Stay informed and tell your classmates. Send us news about your classmates.
• Support the chapter with a donation.
• Continue to ask questions and share your opinions.

Thanks again for your participation in the survey!